The Relationship Mindset

Is there a right way to approaching a relationship? Yes. It is actually not that complicated. Be honest and open about yourself and your emotions, and remember to voice it.

In this contemporary world we are living in, we have come to paint relationships as being complicated and difficult. So many heart breaks, heart aches, and break-ups. Why have relationships become so difficult? Well below is what I think.

Self-love

This is where many people go wrong. People look for external sources to validate themselves when what they actually need is the confidence to love themselves for who they are. They need to feel complete and one with themselves before they seek for a relationship to provide the answers to those unanswered questions about themselves.

Love yourself before you even try to love others.

Who is to pay?

Okay so the time has come to meet someone whom you have been talking to. That first date. You’ve had a lovely meal together, or done some fun outdoor activity and then it comes to the part of paying. Somehow men and women alike have been ‘trained’ to think in one way and one way only – the man should pay.

This clearly comes from ancient social norms and there is no harm in sticking to it at all. However, the problem arises when the guy asks the girl if she could pay or at least go halves. And boom.

All of a sudden that man is not worthy of being in a relationship with. He is seen as impolite and disrespectful. He is seen as useless and the girl goes around telling her friends how embarrassing the whole situation was.

We live in a society where women have fought so much for women’s rights, to prove that women are just as capable as men in any industry; and the way we show such women respect is by throwing a tantrum over the fact that the guy asked her to pay as well.

I am not saying that guys should never pay. All I am saying is that he should not be given a hard time if he does not on that first date. And vice versa for women. Let’s stop expecting too much from each other and just be open and honest about what we can and cannot do. This leads nicely onto my next topic of discussion.

Expectations

As humans trying to succeed in relationships, this is our biggest drawback. We expect too much and give too little.

What I mean to say is that we expect our other half to provide us with everything and we give very little back. The most successful of relationships are those where there is an equal balance of giving and receiving.

Let’s not expect a relationship to be defined by the material gifts. Instead expect that relationship to provide you with the love and support that you deserve.

Mind-reading

I do not want to gender stereotype but I cannot avoid pointing out that women have this issue a lot more than men.

We just sit their with overwhelming emotions and we expect our other half to mind-read everything we are thinking and consult to our emotions as if they are God. If they are unable to mind-read then they are considered a boyfriend/husband not good enough. Nope. Sadly this is not the case.

Unfortunately, neither men nor women can mind-read. This is why communication becomes that much more important. Talk to each other and be truthful about your emotions.

Team work

A relationship requires the commitment and work of both individuals. No one is born made for each other; you have to work towards it. No one relationship starts off being perfect; you work towards making it perfect.

Respect

In a relationship, the two individuals of that relationship are equal to each other. No one person is greater than the other.

The first element of this is trust. I would expect my other half to respect me and what I tell him – the truths about me, my family and my past are things which I will not share to anyone. If, at any point, they share that information with anyone else for whatever reason (boost their own ego, during a relationship or post-break up), I will automatically lose respect for them. All I can say is do not be that person.

Secondly, I am not a massive fan of swearing at all. I find it especially disturbing when I see people purposefully swearing at each other just to prove a point – which to this date I do not get. This is even more so the case in relationships. Swearing is a form of verbal abuse, in my opinion. You might start swearing at each other for fun at the start, but this then becomes more serious when your arguments become serious. Just avoid it altogether and revere each other they way you both deserve to be revered.

Looking back

Regardless of how hard you have worked to ensure that relationship works, it may not.

At this time, there is no point shifting blame, because I can guarantee that both people of the relationship were responsible for the end result. There is no point wasting your time thinking about what the other did or did not do. Instead look at yourself and own up to your strengths and weaknesses in that relationship.

How hard did you actually work to make the relationship work? What mistakes did you make?

These are important because you actually start looking at and also start working towards improving yourself.

To conclude…

Remember that every relationship is different. People create expectations based what they see around them. That is what drives everything. Do not be that person. Tap into yourself and find out what you really want, and not what others expect you to want.

I am not the type of girl to stay fixated on the how many dates we have been on, how much he as spent on me, how much I have spent on him – I mean a relationship is not a bank statement and nor it a loans company. You give and take because you want to and not because you have to.

All which we should need and want is honesty, equality and someone whom we can grow with.

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